It's Monday morning... again. The start of another new week. I've always looked at Monday as a chance to start over if the week before didn't go exactly as planned or if I didn't quite hit the goals I've wanted to hit. I've made many changes in my life over the last couple years. My diet has changed, my workouts have changed, my family life has changed, my work life have changed. With each change came a transition. Some have been successful and some have been challenging to navigate. As I entered into this most recent life change, career change, I had ideas of what it would be like and what parts of my life would be stronger because of it. However, as I sit here this morning I find that I am failing. I'm failing to follow the plans and programs I expected to follow. I'm failing to manage my time the way I expected to be able to manage it. I'm failing to keep up with a diet that had once been a life change for me that I never expected to stray from. I'm failing at keeping myself moving and motivated. And, I'm failing to understand why.
I've been on a journey roughly the last two years that started with a simple change of diet, to low carb, to support my health. It was a change that I was motivated to do and stuck to consistently for over a year. I was meeting my goals week over week and feeling healthier. I found myself fitting into clothes I hadn't worn in years and just feeling better about myself in general. I began to workout more and run more. I was meeting week over week goals for my running as well. My times were getting shorter and my distances longer and I felt stronger. I got sick with COVID and was down for a few weeks but started off 2021 with a goal of running 100 miles in January. While I met the goal of 100 miles, 93 were completed running and seven were walked. Yes, I kept track of if they were run or walked because my goal was 100 run. Maybe that's when I started to feel I was failing.
The weather in February and March brought on greater challenges for doing my running. The temps were "too low." I had access to a treadmill but I found myself going to use it less and less. I had every excuse not to do the running. Slowly and slowly I found myself doing less and less and continuing with the excuses and trying to justify the why it was okay. I was stressed, I was busy at work, I deserved to rest and take a break... anything I could come up with.
So, here I sit today as a result of the excuses. A result of the justifications. I've gained 50 lbs. I'm drinking... a lot. My exercise routines have been come null and void. I've tried various "at home" workouts "guaranteed" to get quick results, just trying to get myself back on track. But the motivation for those programs wains quickly. Then I fall for the next one that comes along, and that one becomes equally as dull.
To put it simply: I'm failing.
I suppose I could leave my thoughts there. But I am reminded of God's unending grace. No matter how far I stray, I'm never lost and I can always rest in God's grace. Admit my failings and call out to Him to help guide me. One of my morning devotionals reminded me of Lamentations 2:19, "Get up, cry out in the night, even as the night begins. Pour out your heart like water in prayer to the Lord." In Christ there is always a new start. No matter how much I've failed, there's always a place to begin again. So, here I am again, on a Monday, with a chance to start again. Here I go!
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