A couple of years ago I set a goal for myself to be able to jog a 5K. My entire life I have never been a runner. I was barely a walker. I had gotten in the habit of at least walking a few times a week to have some sort of exercise as a part of trying to live a healthier life. The number on the scale had reached a point that I just couldn't accept any longer and I knew I needed to change. I started to jog sections of a path that I had scoped out walking that would equal the 5K. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get very far on my first try, and I didn't. I thought if I could just keep getting a little bit further and a little bit further each day I would eventually reach my goal. It all sounded great but I would have weeks where I didn't get out to walk at all. I had a surgery that put me off the trail for almost six months. I saw other people, larger than myself, jogging past me with consistency and I just couldn't understand why I wasn't able to reach my goal. It took almost two years to accomplish but I finally realized that I needed to not focus on what others were accomplishing and only look to what I had accomplished and try to push myself a fit further. I also taught myself to start from where I was and not where someone else was and that my pace needed to be slow and steady. If I started off too fast, I didn't make it too far. If I kept myself slow to start I could get further with the longer distances. I also paid attention to my thoughts, my breathing and the location of my hat. Yes, the hat made a difference. If I looked at the length of the path in front of me my thoughts would tell me the distance is too far. If I lowered the bill of my hat so that I could only see a short distance in front of me I became much more focused on the immediate steps I needed to take and not the long journey ahead. I would raise my head from time to time to take in the view but then lower it again so that the bill of my hat kept me focused on the closer steps in front of me. Each day I set out to do the best I could that day and eventually, I ran the full 5K. I've not refocused my goals and set new ones for speed and eventually longer distances but it makes me think a lot about my journey with God. I'm looking to set those goals and look closer at the immediate steps I can take to ultimately reach my individual goals for my relationship with God. My desire to grow deeper and closer to His purposes for my life and how He can use me where I am in my journey for His glory.
I've been told it's okay to not be okay. While I believe that to be a true statement I fight daily to make everything in my life look like it's okay. As this week comes to a close I have been significantly reminded of so many of my failings. I've failed at many things in my life and with each additional failure I'm reminded of so many character flaws that create a repeated pattern in my life. My insecurities constantly take over and my unwillingness to say "no" or be confrontational hurts my family, my friendships, and my career. Reflecting upon this week it began as a normal week. Frustrations over not working out enough at the gym and looking in the mirror to see how my lack of training has taken a negative toll on my body. My stomach is fat, my face is fat, my arms are flabby. I'm embarrassed to even walk through the gym in this condition. Feeling insecure in the way I look and blaming my eating habits and telling myself how lazy I am f...
Comments