Do What You Love, Love What You Do

 I've been told it's okay to not be okay.  While I believe that to be a true statement I fight daily to make everything in my life look like it's okay.  As this week comes to a close I have been significantly reminded of so many of my failings.  I've failed at many things in my life and with each additional failure I'm reminded of so many character flaws that create a repeated pattern in my life.  My insecurities constantly take over and my unwillingness to say "no" or be confrontational hurts my family, my friendships, and my career. Reflecting upon this week it began as a normal week.  Frustrations over not working out enough at the gym and looking in the mirror to see how my lack of training has taken a negative toll on my body.  My stomach is fat, my face is fat, my arms are flabby.  I'm embarrassed to even walk through the gym in this condition. Feeling insecure in the way I look and blaming my eating habits and telling myself how lazy I am f...

 It's Monday morning... again.  The start of another new week.  I've always looked at Monday as a chance to start over if the week before didn't go exactly as planned or if I didn't quite hit the goals I've wanted to hit.  I've made many changes in my life over the last couple years.  My diet has changed, my workouts have changed, my family life has changed, my work life have changed.  With each change came a transition.  Some have been successful and some have been challenging to navigate.  As I entered into this most recent life change, career change, I had ideas of what it would be like and what parts of my life would be stronger because of it.  However, as I sit here this morning I find that I am failing.  I'm failing to follow the plans and programs I expected to follow.  I'm failing to manage my time the way I expected to be able to manage it.  I'm failing to keep up with a diet that had once been a life change for me tha...

 We live in a world that is driven by data and trends.  Looking for value and answers in the numbers and trying to figure out how to better our lives, our business, our goal based on those numbers.  As I've been working more on my running and keeping track on the app on my phone my distances, my speeds, my number of weekly workouts and trying to week over week beat those numbers I realized something this week.  This week I still did my workouts, but I was in a different environment.  I still did the same number of miles, but the course I was doing them on was much more challenging.  My goals had to adjust to the path that I was working on.  I was more satisfied with my accomplishments when I was finished because the course had been so much more challenging.  But I was let down by looking at the tracked numbers in my app because my times were slower and it was "messing up" my week over week numbers.  For someone from the outside to simply look...

 A couple of years ago I set a goal for myself to be able to jog a 5K.  My entire life I have never been a runner.  I was barely a walker.  I had gotten in the habit of at least walking a few times a week to have some sort of exercise as a part of trying to live a healthier life.  The number on the scale had reached a point that I just couldn't accept any longer and I knew I needed to change.  I started to jog sections of a path that I had scoped out walking that would equal the 5K.  I knew that I wouldn't be able to get very far on my first try, and I didn't.  I thought if I could just keep getting a little bit further and a little bit further each day I would eventually reach my goal.  It all sounded great but I would have weeks where I didn't get out to walk at all.  I had a surgery that put me off the trail for almost six months.  I saw other people, larger than myself, jogging past me with consistency and I just couldn't unders...

While jogging the other morning I jogged in prayer.  The word "faithfulness" was brought to me so I focused on that word as I ran.  I was praying about my own relationship with Christ and my journey with Him.  I was praying about the other relationships I have in my life, being a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, friend, co-worker, leader, etc. and how I can set the example of Christ in those relationships.  One of the most important relationships anyone has is their marriage and I was praying to be a reflection of Christ in my marriage. As I was praying I looked up to see a woman passing me going the other direction on the trail, jogging just as I was, and her shirt simply had the word "PRAY" written across the front.  I immediately was overcome with a sense of calmness and peace and knowing that my prayers were being heard and I was seeing God in that moment.  When I got back to my car the song "Faithful Now" by Vertical Worship was playing on the r...

Finding Direction.  Finding Purpose . Both are topics weighing heavily on my heart. This past week I've been on vacation and tried to disconnect as much as possible so that I could just listen.  Listen to what God is trying to share with me. Listen for the answers to the prayers I've had that I've been too busy to slow down and hear the response. I can't say that I've had any great revelations or that any "ah-ha" moments but I feel much clearer.  I read a book called "Own Your Life" by Sally Clarkson and it asked some interesting questions that made me stop and think.  Think about my legacy and my own personal journey.  Really understanding that I am my own person, I am responsible for myself and for my relationship with Jesus. Responsible for how and where I am spending my time and what example I'm setting for my children. I'm not perfect, not even close. I have a lot of work to do. This is where I start. There is no one following this b...